Laura Berman | Opinion contributor
Summer is the perfect time of year for surfing, sunbathing, camping and ... cheating?
Extra sunshine, time off work and generally escaping routines may lead to many a wandering eye.
The good news is that you and your partner can take steps to cheat-proof your relationship. That’s right: Just like you reach for extra SPF to block harmful UV rays, you can also safeguard your marriage by taking proactive and intentional steps to extinguish extramarital temptations. Of course, it's not foolproof. But here are some things you may want to try.
The relationship between cuddling and sex
Cuddle up. You might think of cuddling as anti-passionate or even platonic. Simply put: Couples who cuddle are more likely to stay together than couples who don’t.
When we cuddle, our brain gets flooded with oxytocin. Oxytocin is a chemical that makes us feel deeply bonded and connected to our mate. The more connected we feel to our spouse, the less likely we are to cheat. Additionally, if you’re touching and snuggling, you’re just steps away from intimacy, meaning that people who cuddle a lot are probably also having more sex than people who don't. Win-win.
Plus, since it’s summer, sleep in the buff or light fabrics. Swap out your cotton or flannel sheets for silky satin. Notice how much more sensual you feel when you intentionally choose your bedding and nightwear with your relationship in mind.
Turn up the romance
Be the change. If you want more romance and passion in your relationship, set the intention to bring more romance and passion into the relationship. Don’t passively sit back and wait for romance to just fall in your lap. Ask yourself every day: What can I do today to make my partner feel desired and adored? Maybe it’s sending him a sexy text or buying her flowers for no reason. Maybe it’s planning a special date night or giving them a deep kiss instead of a perfunctory peck as they head out to work.
When you channel passion and desire toward your partner, you’re going to get it back tenfold. If your energy says “I love being intimate with my partner” and “I can’t wait to be alone with my partner,” they are going to feel that energy and respond with passion.
Yes it's a thing: What is the 6-second kiss rule and how can it give your relationship a boost?
When it comes to cheating, alcohol is not your friend
Less is more. Some people are more likely to cheat when they are drunk. And we all know that drinking often escalates during summertime, thanks to pool time, beach drinks and beer by the grill. Do your relationship and your health a favor by choosing to drink responsibly.
Go to couples therapy
Consider therapy. Therapy is not a sign that your relationship is failing. It can be just the opposite: It shows that you and your partner are committed to "checking in" and working on issues before they snowball into something insurmountable. Just like you shouldn’t wait until you have cavities before you go to the dentist, you shouldn’t wait until infidelity occurs before you see a therapist. Therapy is preventative and protective: It works best when you access it before your relationship is in shambles.
Remember, cheating is never the fault of the betrayed partner, but it can be empowering to know that we can fortify our marriages if we are intentional about putting our bond first. Having a healthy sex life is the same as any other goal. You have to work at it and put it at the top of your to-do list, especially during the hectic summer season.
Hmm: How soon is too soon to have sex when dating someone new?
Dr. Laura Berman is a world-renowned sex, love and relationship therapist. She earned two masters degrees and a Ph.D. from New York University, and is New York Times best-selling author of nine books and an award-winning syndicated radio host. She currently hosts the popular love and sex advice podcast “The Language of Love.” You can find her on Facebook, Instagram and her website.
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